because wild, uncontrolled screaming is frowned upon

Tried to make a facebook post but deleted it because it was too emotional.

and because every goddamn

stupid thing

I try to do or write

I have to subject to analysis

of how this will be interpreted

understood

am I clear?

can you tell why I'm doing this?

can you misinterpret this as selfishness

because he's always selfish

and I can't imagine why everyone

didn't notice already

that he's an asshole

a monster

a nightmare

no one notices and I keep trying to explain

and I keep hearing Shakespeare

"she doth protest too much"

I'm not protesting too much

I am protesting exactly the right amount

or rather, I'm protesting as much as I dare

knowing the punishment that's coming, 

knowing that any bravery on my part

any autonomy

any protection for my children

will be severely penalized.

this is my life

and I want to scream

scream

scream

rail against this mess and nightmare

and confusion

and no one listens

and my lawyer charges me $250 / hour

to give me conflicting advice

so that everything I do is exactly right

until she reviews it 

and says 

hmmmm

we prefer you don't say THAT

I am so tired. 

but I want to scream

and the two desires are conflicting.

completely at odds with each other.

why is this my life, though?

what did I do to deserve this?